DirfBurgler of The Month

























































BATBOY FOUND IN W.VIRGINIA CAVE
BATBOY ESCAPES
I'VE CAPTURED BATBOY
BATBOY WANTED!
NEW WAVE OF BATBOY SIGHTINGS!
BATBOY ATTACKS GIRL, 10!
ESCAPED BATBOY SIGHTED IN TEXAS
BATBOY CAPTURED AGAIN!
BATBOY ENDORSES GORE
BAT BOY FALLS HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE
SEND BAT BOY A GET-WELL CARD!
BUG MAN SPRAYS BAT BOY. . . TRUCK MOWS THE LITTLE GUY DOWN!






DirfHerder of The Month for April:

BAT BOY!!

batboy.jpg

BREAKING NEWS!!!!
 
BAT BOY WANTED!

$5,000 reward

A half-human "bat boy" who escaped from a research facility in Wheeling, West Va., on September 10, is still at large - and DirfHerder is offering a $5,000 reward for his capture!

As millions of devoted readers already know, The NEWS scooped the world with reports on the original springtime capture of the beast as well as his escape in September. And in our continuing effort to help scientists and authorities get this bat boy back, we're putting up cold, hard cash for his recapture.

Readers are advised to use extreme caution - and don't forget: The bat boy MUST be taken alive. If you capture him, write:


BAT BOY CAPTURED
DirfHerder
4827 Hillsdale Dr.
L.A., CA, 90032 

We'll take it from there!







Past DirfBurglers of The Month:
 
JesusChrist
 
E.T.
 
David Lee Roth
 
Vanilla Ice
 
Animal (from Muppet Babies)
 
Celine Dion
 
Corey Feldman
 
Mr. Clean
 
Sporty Spice
 
The Purple teletubbie
 
Daniel Larusso (The Karate Kid)
 
The Little Mermaid
 
Geno's Mom
 
Alf